I used to be such an easily influenced person. To me, saying no was the hardest thing in the world and pleasing everyone was the aim of the game. I'm sure some of you can relate to having no drive or direction. I too have felt these feelings very heavily, leading to 0 self worth & zest for life.
I've learnt over time that if you let them control you, you will fall victim to the mind and the cycle will go on until you bury it completely.
I am the classic example of one who let her mind take over.
Just last year, I was partying so hard at the expense of my mental health. I had no ambition or direction, my self worth was non existent and I would live my life through comparisons. Social medias carefully edited pictures of unrealistic people robbed me early of believing that what the universe gave me was enough. I was lead to believe that if I wasn't sporting a full face of makeup and rocking a size 6, no one would think I was worth it. I couldn't take it anymore and finally found the drive to make a change.
I decided overnight to move to Melbourne and within 2 weeks, I'd signed a lease and snagged myself a job in a rad cafe in the heart of Melbs.
It became apparent pretty soon after my move that my body had taken a serious hit during the months of my reckless partying patterns.
My health was spiralling down quickly. I developed a full face of cystic acne as well as a Candida infection, meaning that digesting food would become practically impossible aaaaand I started packing on a bunch of unexplained weight.
Anyone who has suffered from skin problems knows how tough it can be on the moral. This turn of events lead me to become a complete recluse. The only time I would leave the house was to go to work and afterwards I'd hurry home to eat dinner at 4pm and head to bed straight away. The only thing I'd look forward to was sleep and this scared me.
My skin and weight worsened as my mental health descended. My self confidence was non existent. It felt impossible to attain happiness with such an unhealthy looking exterior and I still couldn't connect the dots as to why this was all happening....
I became adamant that there was something so wrong with me. Once I got this engrained in my mind, there was no stopping my search to get to the bottom of it. I spent hundreds of dollars on hormonal tests, pelvic scans, blood tests, vitamins, probiotics and creams to fix my exterior. All my time was spent online researching natural remedies and quick fixes. I was obsessed. I decided to seek help from a naturopath, who would later naturally double as my psychologist. I felt excitement for the first time in months at the idea of being prescribed some natural herbs that would clear up my skin miraculously and all would then be peachy...
My naturopath and I worked together dissecting the mess that was going on in my head. Although the sessions made me feel better, I couldn't understand why I wasn't being prescribed something to clear up my skin.
It's only months later that I realized tackling the mental issues would then lead to a healthier exterior.
Slowly, I found myself being able to control my mind more and more. Falling victim to unhealthy thoughts was becoming less common. I took full reign of my thoughts and realised i was the only person who could decide whether I was going to be happy as can be, or be wallowing in the misery that I knew so well to create. Through this practice, I improved my communication and speaking up became natural.
After the mental work was tackled, the physical happened on its own. The classic placebo effect. My weight began to level out, my digestion started working in my favour (check out the link between gut health and mental health, it's a thing) aaaaaaaand my skin went back to its original state.
I will soon be holding a gut health/mental health workshop which will provide more info on the steps i took to heal myself mentally and physically!