I wondered, why don’t we ask each other on dates anymore?
When instagram hadn’t quite kicked off & tinder was only a toddler, I distinctly remember the population being more daring.
Surfing Fingal, meeting a cool dude, vibing & being asked out for a game of pool. No request for an insta handle in sight! 🥹
Maybe my balls used to be bigger or maybe I read too much about men hunting and women gathering…
I’m not sure.
What I am sure about is that I no longer feel a pull to be pursued.
Instead, I’ve fallen into advocating for equal give & take.
As Ram Das once said, to me personally -
“Play silly games, win silly prizes”
And I back that notion.
So I’ve been calling that in.
And man, it’s been blowing my mind.
The idea that you can think something, abide by your new laws and in return, receive it right back.
It’s hot shit.
Anyway, I think my balls are still just as big as they were when I asked the first guy I’ve ever loved to come surfing with me.
Initiating an approach is often perceived as an inferior action as opposed to receiving the approach.
It’s kinda weird.
All those in favour of a tweak say “I”.
My fav coach says
“There is no love that doesn’t come with the risk of heartbreak. Our fears of being hurt are what’s creating so much toxicity in dating & relationships.
So much strategising, protecting, games, etc.
However, There are measures that everyone needs to take to make them less vulnerable to being hurt.
We must have a standard of how we expect to be treated that is high. Which means, we must be very clear what our deal breakers are.
We must listen to our bodies.
If it doesn’t feel right, you’ll know.
Listen.”
And I love that.
That’s Jillian Turecki by the way. She’s incredible.
We must communicate.
No mind reading, no playing it cool, no repressing and resenting.
Resentment is one I’ve tango’d with since I was a child.
It tightens up your jaw and your back and your neck and if unexpressed can really do damage to your cells dawg.
TO YOUR DNA!
I could write a book on moving through resentment.
All those in favour of a book about resentment, say “I”.
Lol.
Anyway, here’s one more from Jill that I’ve added a little bit to (I hope that’s okay. If not, I apologise.)
“We must resist all temptations to get involved in situationships because we are too afraid to ask for what we want and risk ending a connection.
We must choose more wisely.
There are great people out there.
Great women.
And great Men.
(And all the rest of ya’ll that identify as something other than a soul in a body.)
Are you choosing the good ones?
See the person at face value.
And choose with care.”
Guys, you’re built to hunt.
Maybe some of you have noticed an innate need that resides in you that has you wanting to conquer…
Or maybe you haven’t and you roll in a different way.
Either way, a bunch of studies have shown that the majority feel it and need to learn to Salsa with it in a healthy way.
It’s been this way for some time.
That’s preeeeetty cool in my opinion.
Chicks, you flow best when you don’t chase, instead you attract.
I’m not saying that women get to sit back and snack on grapes & be fanned.
Women are just as culpable….
We all have to take more action.
Magic comes from action.
Action comes from magic.
Confidence is a practice.
Being rejected is an art.
And challenging yourself in areas that scare you becomes medicine.
80% of men don’t approach women because they don’t want to appear creepy & 90% of women appreciate an approach.
I don’t know the statistic on guys being approached but I can absolutely imagine that they’d froth that kind of attention. Who wouldn’t?
A coupla people probably.
It’s the internet & I can say whatever I want so I’m gonna go with 5%.
Let’s at least give that statistic a nudge.
The past is the past.
Let’s eave it there.
But tomorrow or in a week or in 3 months time, when you cross paths with someone that has a calming energy or a sick pair of kicks or cute dimples, promise yourself that you’ll let them know.
If his lashes are long & lush, you know what you gotta do.
Which ever way you swing, stand in solidarity with me.
It’s not about compliments or having expectations surrounding outcome.
It’s about seeing something in that person that you too possess or appreciate.
It’s instant connection… if the energy is there.
We need more of that in a time of great division.
Take aways:
- Let’s bring back letters & mixed cd’s & asking each other out without 4g.
- Love over fear
- Let’s switch love heart eye reaction to peoples stories to eye contact in real life. Eyes tell a thousand words.
- When you’re voting on Saturday, trust yourself and what your intuition tells you. Mine has failed me a few times but it’s a muscle you flex
Love