Ahhh loneliness.
What even is it?
A thought? A feeling? A mentality? Actual lack? An unmeet need?
Maybe it’s a combination of all the above. One that ebbs & flows.
But does it ever go away?
It’s a deeply personal venture but I reckon we’ve all had that feeling where you’re surrounded by humans, yet couldn’t feel less seen.
Next time that feeling or thought begins to surface, give it a moment
Get curious with it.
Ask where it’s coming from & if you can help it in its transformation.
You’ll be humbled by the answers that reside within you and the memories that surface when you challenge it/ask for some clarity.
Last week, I noticed it bubbling within me.
Generally, I’d probably just feel sorry for myself for a bit but this time, I softly asked it of its whereabouts…
I thought maybe through a new practice, I’d be able to meet the emptiness & transmute it into a helpful insight.
The feeling started in my heart and softened when I met it with care.
I didn’t mind it being there.
I’m already quite introverted but the past two months have been particularly hermit for me.
I find that when I’m moving through certain emotions & some lessons are becoming cement, I opt for less influence from the outside world.
I’m a walking contradiction.
My deepest desire is to connect but I don’t want sub-par connection, so it’s not often that I say yes, unless it’s a fuq yes.
For so long, I felt a certain guilt around being invited to events & observing that not even 1% of me itched to attend.
My need for connection never broke through my want to be alone.
Maybe because I knew deep down that if I felt lacking in connection to myself, my connection with others wouldn’t be as pure as I’d like it to be?
Anyway, something just kept telling me to keep working on my connection to self and my connection to others would follow.
What in this world do you want the most?
For me it’s freedom, spontaneity, having time, mental stimulation, laughter…but mostly: it’s deep connection.
All things attainable as a solo standing human but probably sweeter when shared?
So what is it for you? Because often, the thing you want the most is hiding behind the thing you resist the most.
Getting what you desire deeply requires you to do something new.
It pushes you to experience a new level of discomfort.
You gotta walk through the temporary discomfort to get to the thing you actually want.
Your mind and body will always be like “I don’t fucking like this, let’s go back to doing what we know” so it’s on you to make the change & exercise your will.
Commit.
Own it.
Recognise the resistance & strap the fuck in.
Old ways won’t bring new results.
In the end, we’re all solo standing humans.
Does that feel sad or empowering to you?
I reckon it’s best to just see it for what it is.
The honest reality.
We all experience loneliness.
Try meeting it with care and curiosity, instead of resistance and lack, and see what surfaces.
Thanks for reading!
Love x