Modern day dating could well be the strangest thing I might ever navigate in this lifetime.
The truth is, I’m not cut out for it because games aren’t my thing & I’m finding that this generation often excel at participating in them.
I’m not sure when dating became so cryptic.
I distinctly remember the pre gram days being much lighter.
Meeting dudes in the surf, exchanging numbers, getting a beer, chillin’… that was the vibe.
Now we have ghosting & gaslighting & bread crumbing & it spins me the hell out.
I swear healthy communication is the ticket.
Why suppress when you can be honest about what’s ticking up there.
Wanna hang with someone? Ask
Keen to see where things go? Mint
Here to fuck? No problem
Not looking for anything? Sweet
Just be honest.
Then you’re not culpable for any damages & you can be proud that you took the higher road.
Because all relationships deserve basic respect.
The truth can be painful but toying with someones emotions is bent.
The person will thank you or feel gratitude down the line if you take the time, I can guarantee it.
And if they don’t, then they probably don’t have the intellectual capacity to comprehend & that’s on them..
Just have clear intentions.
In discussion the other day, one of the boys used the analogy of starting off green and becoming more and more tainted the longer one dates.
I wonder how many resonate with that…
I actively choose not to fuck with peoples emotions and won’t let my past experiences dictate my future ones so I feel safe from the riot.
I guess in doing this, I’m merely advocating for a present I see often in my close ones lives & a past that I’m now much better for having experienced.
If you’re interested in someone, ask them if they’d like to hang out instead of abusing your poor little thumbs and mind in an online charade.
If you’re not keen, don’t make half cut plans.
If after a coupla dates, you’re not down to pursue, softly let them know.
In saying this, I am not a saint...
I still have days where I stall whilst trying to manoeuvre my moral Bronco.
What I’m getting at is that all relationships, platonic, romantic or whatever take work…unless you want something plain. In that case you can find it on any corner.
But we’re not settling for plain anymore.
If you’re an avid game player, ask yourself why?
If you bread crumb, same goes.
(If you’re not familiar with the bc movement, have a read below) :P
https://www.brides.com/what-is-breadcrumbing-5105353
Last week I did a poll on the burner gram - @tahiniqueenie - with questions regarding communication, vulnerability & solitude.
The results felt pretty healthy to me.
A stat did really surprise me though…
A small percentage found that they didn’t value communication, solitude or feel the need to get to know themselves better.
Again, we all have different values but I just couldn’t imagine a life centred around the above 3.
~ If stats bore you, opt out here ~
Results:
• 98% felt communication was very important to them, 1% weren’t bothered & 1% hadn’t thought about it.
• 96% felt they were good communicators or actively trying their best & 4% said they didn’t excel in the realms of communication.
• 93% said that having similar values to their people was important, 5% didn’t mind & 2% hadn’t thought about it.
• 29% said their parents were good communicators & 71% said their parents couldn't execute.
• When asked about why they thought their past romantic relationships had broken down,
36% said struggles in communication, 32% said falling out of love, 14% needed solitude & 18% were unsure.
• 90% were open to love, 2% weren’t & 8% weren’t sure.
• When asked about games, 19% admitted to playing them, 61% were opposed & 20% were triggered.
• 61% felt their self talk was generally positive & 39% felt it wasn’t.
That one got me right in the feels.
I write this in the hopes that it reminds even one person not to settle for the crumbs.
And that goes for every single aspect of life.
After all is said and done, you are your own best pal and getting to know yourself can be a hilariously special ride.
Once you’re feeling pretty merry about the above, go and suss a human that’s on the same trajectory then come back and tell me that it’s not electric. I dare you.
Live & love boldly but PLEASE don’t sacrifice yourself in the process <3
