Sex, drugs & communication



In my time, I’ve felt pleasure that I’d liken to reaching the pearly gates, have had sex that has left me lost for words & have gotten to know my body better than I thought possible.
Sadly, yet formatively, below average experiences also frequent my past.
But I haven’t let sexual assault govern my story.

After attracting truly one of the most undermining sexual experiences at the beginning of last year, I decided no more. And I felt it in my soul.
It’s a powerful thing when you decide that you’re not going to allow it anymore. It’s a true force and it can’t be stirred.

It felt all too telling coming into 2023 shagging the night away, in fine, respectful company.
How polarising it is to be taken into consideration.

The story begins in my camp chair, on new years eve, where I am passing the time in one of my absolute favourite ways.
Sitting & observing…with no intention of moving.
It’s off camber but Cappy is in Victoria and she’s doofin’.
We’ve got sexy people to the left, sipping bevs whilst floating in the lake.
Sexy people to the right, reaching new highs on the d-floor.
And I’m in nirvana because I’m partaking in the people watching of my dreams.

Anyway, I’m chilling in my throne, taking it all in & I see this dude from afar & I’m curious because all I see is confidence.
And not the Byron ego kind.
Greenos flaggos.
For some unknown reason, I’ve gone and coined this guy liquid hips and it sticks.
Anyway, he’s chilling on the lake and I feel inclined to yell out to him.
Without flinching, he turns around and starts doing a full on striptease in front of a full audience and that’s when I knew I wanted a slice.
That’s the thing about people who are truly practicing the art of being themselves. I can’t bloody unsee them!

As the night went on, I found myself feeling more and more comfortable around this dude. Plenty of things about LH were ON but the part I was digging the most was that he really didn’t seem to give a fuck.

Whilst we’re on the topic of giving a fuck, I’m going to touch on what I think it takes to give a gooood fuck…for educational purposes.

1. Get to know your body.
Self pleasure is such a sexy tool. With enough practice, we can all be having orgasms on demand.
2. Speak up!
Having the courage to communicate what you’re into is key.
If it’s kinda freaky, rejoice in the fact that you aren’t beige.
3. Consent.
The importance of both participants being keen/good to go is one I can’t stress enough.
I’m guilty of having “get it over with” sex on countless occasions and that’s no good.
I’m only just becoming familiar with the idea of it so I’ll stop here but there’s plenty of info circling the www if you’re curious/keen to understand the premise.
4. This one is the best and I cannot stress it enough! Listen.to.queues!
If you’re doing something & getting good feedback, it’s usually not the time to change things up.
5. The more foreplay the better.

T’s & C’s:
- Jack hammering ain’t it
- Fingering is underrated
- Teasing is great
- Don’t leave balls out of the equation
- Faking orgasms is out
- Condoms suck but they’re in as well

Anyway, we’re back at the tent now & I’m asking liquid hips what he likes and he’s asking me what I like & I am having a great time.
Orgasms are coming at me from all angles because LH has decided that tonight, he will be listening to queues & genuinely caring that the exchange feels tip top for the both of us and vice versa.

That’s communication.
It’s a magic tool.
One that must be flexed.
One that will enhance every single aspect of your life when practiced effectively.

The amount of times I’ve asked guys what they’re in to only for them to reply with, “just what you’re doing” is too many to count.
Surely y’all know your bods better than I!


That kind of openness & communication made for one of the best sexual experience I have ever had….also helped that liquid hips wasn’t a virgin.

The truth is, healthy relationships take a whole lot of work.
Through uncomfortable conversations, vulnerability & a willingness to learn, you’ve got yourself some sexy solid foundations.

It’s 2023 and we’re saying hell no to average relationships and hell yes to speaking about what’s on our minds & in our hearts.

xx

A single click to some place cool

The other day, something so monumentally transformative happened.
It really got me feeling all kinds of ways.
Im'a give ya'll a bit of context because painting the picture is what it's all about. I'd like it if you felt like you were there, in the freezing cold roadside-truckstop-40 knot onshore-beachside shower, with me.
Because this is where this story begins, in overcast Raglan NZ, after having just wrapped up a delish night of free camping.
Side note: I REALLY fuck with showers. Sometimes three a day.
Anyway, operation shower.
After searching high & low & being turned away from 3 campgrounds for not wanting to pay $20 for a rinse, I decided it was time to level up.

As I blasted the same song for the 12th time that day, with hopes of learning every single lyric, I had no idea I was about to strike gold.
There, right before my eyes, sitting dankly, a roadside shower that reminded me of that ad about drugs being made in a toilet.
The thing with that sentence is that if you take away the part about drugs, you're left with shower & that just so happens to be what I'd been asking for.
Jackpot.

Sporting my $2 kmart crocs & a keen sense of wonder, I felt up to the task.
As I conditioned my locks in the ice cold waters whilst watching oncoming traffic & losing sensation in my arms, I wondered what the day might hold.

Post truck stop shower glow up, I jumped in the van. Destination: decaf Soy Cap.
But first, I'd have to pick a tune (probs the same tune once more cause why not?), open Instagram, watch 3 stories, wonder why I was wasting my time and finally, go about my day.
As I tapped my thumb to the first story, I was swiftly stopped in my tracks.
There, sitting pretty, a top to bottom nude posted by a friend of mine whom I am truly fond of.
A well spoken man.
Creative, calculated, hilarious & talented beyond measure.
Not the kind of content I was used to from him but a pleasure nonetheless.
The nude - Tasteful, clean, well lit & paired with the composition of my dreams. The type of shit I'd sub to.
His feed - Dim lit corners, music, cars, travel, people, moments.
Majority on film, all immaculate.
Stoked on my find, yet sweating for my pal, I hustled a quick screeny, for later, and set about messaging him in the hopes of notifying...unless it was a power move, in which, I would most definitely approve.

After 1 min without response, I felt a nudge was in order.
Facetime. Front cameras ON, Laughter ON, and a rawness I haven't experienced enough of in my time.
Watching the way in which my pal navigated the situation was one of the mosty humbling experiences of my life.
The humour was some of the quickest on that day & if you know me well, you know there's nothing that stimluates me more than someone who can follow or lead.
"I'm just picturing myself walking into the channel 9 news office in a couple of hours & wondering who in the office has seen my cock".
That just got me static.
Pair words like that with a demeanour infused with lightness and warmth and you've got yourself a recipe for a mildy petrified human, taking it like a boss.
Using humour to lighten an interesting situation is what it's all about.
After some back and forth, words of affirmation & laughs a plenty, we both went our own ways.

I'm not sure how the rest of his day went but I know how I spent the day because it was 2 weeks ago today and one of the finer days of my life.
I spent the whole damn day in head back laughter, surfing cooking waves, watching cooking waves, listening to that song, snacking & having the most insane phone sex of my life.
The phone sex part is interesting because I'm not usually one for it but after this whole shenanigan, it was like the oppourtunity landed on my platter and it could be used as an agent for growth in an area that I've consistently been tackling lately. That area being quality sexual relations, feeling empowered in my bod & not being afraid to talk about the fact that I'm more often turned on than I am off

Days later, I received a msg from him stating that he'd been spending more time in the nude & feeling the "fuck it" notion way more that I too had been riding.
I felt a real sense of peace wash over me.

I told the story to a friend over some juicy Americano style Burgies & the next day she told me that she felt inspired to try something new herself which put some extra pep in my step!

There's a huge part of me that froths out on the concept that if you can manage to find joy in the midst of testing times, you'll come out the other side quicker, more resilient, with more tools, having used the happenings as agents for growth or a catalyst for change, if you will.
Experiences like that can break or liberate so lets choose the latter!

Take aways -
Lets (practice) be(ing) comfortable and proud
Confidence always prevails

Anyway, I hope you're all feeling empowered, trying new thangs, sleeping well, staying hydrated & having high quality sex.

How good are showers.

Have a lovely day, kiss kiss


Kiss your friends faces more

Here’s to the friendships that make you laugh so hard you think you might perish.
To the friends that listen. Like properly listen.
To the ones that never fail to check in.
Those that don’t require maintenance.
The polar opposites, seriously honest & brutally testing.

Here’s to the friendships that turn to love then to a heartbreak so painful you don’t think you’ll ever be the same again. And you’re right. You won’t. You’ll become a shinier version of yourself once you realise the energy you spent wallowing in resentment could’ve been spent floating in acceptance.
Because everything is happening as it should be.

Tell your friends how you feel about them.
That you love them more than life itself.
Talk to the hottie at Salt Mill who serves you your Soy Latte most mornings.
She’s probably crushing on you right back.
Stop holding yourself back.
Life is one big ball of uncertainty.
Book the bloody trip.
Sell it all.
Pack your shit up and leave.
Or stay. But make sure you’re living in line with your deepest desires.
Take risks.
Be calculated.
Work hard.
Don’t work hard.
Build yourself up.
Read books. And plenty of them.
Stay curious.
Have hobbies.
And be consistent. Consistency is everything.
Make scones on a Tuesday morning. Just because you felt like it.
Take yourself on a red hot date.
Girls. Ask him on a date.
And stop playing stupid games.
You’ll win stupid prizes.

The world needs that little slice of you that you know you’re withholding.
Stop giving people a watered down version of yourself.
The more you’re practicing being 100% yourself, the more magic you’re set to attract.
And that’s when everything will fall into line.
It’s all energy babaayyy.
And for fuck sake. Stop being so hard on yourself.

Nirvana

I’m gonna tell ya’ll a story about the first whip in the scrolly cause I reckon it’s a quality ride & it deserves the mic for a bit.

Over the past couple of days, I’ve been hanging in a special little town in NZ & have been nothing short of blown away by the caliber of wheels slapping the concrete on the daily.

Sometimes I just can’t believe my god damn eyes.

This particular set of wheels had been getting around town…a little conservatively, in my humble opinion.

The first time I heard her was from my fav coffee shop on the corner. A prime vantage point for people perusing, car gazing & Coconut Cappuccinos. With intent, I looked up from my writings, in anticipation. Was I about to bear witness to something monumental? Humming through the roundabout, 2nd exit, it all happened so fast.
Like there she was & there she wasn’t. Leaving me with merely enough time to pick my jaw up off the floor, let alone scramble for my camera. For a split second I thought I’d reached car nirvana. Not the first time I’ve been left high n dry.
Alas, I needed more.
I knew it wasn’t ideal to long for something so hard but the thought of having a moment with her parked sent me into another realm.
It was Sunday afternoon and I was on a bicycle in a random back street semi lost and quietly glad about it.
That’s the cool thing about vacay. You got nowhere to be, unless you fuck with Contiki.
The sky was so damn blue and as I observed how immaculate the gardens were, Erykah B graced my ears.
I don’t generally listen to neo soul but on that day, her voice was hitting different.
And that’s when I saw her, for shorter than a split second, she graced me. Every ounce of my being yearned to get on the tail but as I sped up, the realisation quickly loomed that my busted up bike wasn’t going to be able to handle the heat.

Next stop: Servo, fresh tyre, wheel re alignment.
As I rolled, yet another scene presented itself (see pic #2).
There’s a lot about certain structures, colours and composition that jus make’a my brain tingle.

Bike leaning on the wall, I set a new roll of film & looked to my left. There the fuck she was.

Parked up, sittin pretty, lookin’ like noones bitch.

DECONSTRUCTING DIET CULTURE

I don’t want to be reduced to body parts that need to be fixed because they’re not quite right the way they are.

I am SO much more than my appearance.

I don’t want to hear or see any negative BULL SHIT(aki) when I’m trying to make it in a society that is heavily made up of people who are conditioned to shrink themselves!
Or maybe I do want to hear it, 100 times over even, so that I can build a core that can’t be punctured by words I deem not so holy.

I won’t judge you. 
I simply will not. 
BUT I’m sick to death of the negative self talk.
I don’t condone it and there’s a high chance I’m going to be vocal about it.
I hear it every damn day…

We’ve got people exercising to lose weight, counting calories to lose weight, weighing their food to lose weight, consuming shakes to lose weight, following programs to lose weight, restricting to lose weight & reducing themselves because of this socially constructed idea that we aren’t fine and whole the way we are.

Being thin has become one of the core values of our society, and it’s infused into everything!!!!

Your body shape, however big or small should not equate to how happy or free you feel!
STOP shrinking yourself.
Diets do not work because they’re not supposed to work.
You’re not alive to lose weight.
You are not fat.
You have fat.
And that’s great.
You should have fat.

I’m not blaming you for setting a time limit to lose a particular amount of weight so that you can feel like “this” for a particular date.
I’m not blaming the girl who swaps out the delicious Organic Sourdough for a boiled egg because it’s ‘lower cal.’
I’m not blaming the girl who weighs every meal, making sure she doesn’t go over her macros for the day because she needs to achieve her ‘body goals’.
I’m not blaming the girl who is vocal about feeling fat because she ate a little more than is deemed necessary.
I’m not blaming the girl who needs to get back to a size 8 again because she ‘overindulged’ on her holiday.

This is not me blaming you for believing the lies you’ve been fed your whole life.
These beliefs and myths about food, body size & weight have gradually become ingrained into society and are now basically the norm and its toxic.
How are we to make it in a world that’s constantly telling us that we need to punish ourselves to fit into this category that is deemed perfect?
It’s a never ending cycle.

I’m pointing a finger at Diet Culture because things went downhill fast centuries ago when it came into power.
Alas, blame serves no one so I must find light in a dark place.
Instead, I shall thank Diet Culture, for if I had not been burdened, conditioned & pained with such crap, I would not stand here today with an innate NEED to help.

This struggle has lead me to these discoveries of the revolutionary variety.
Through practice, consistency and strength, I have mustered up the courage to go against all that I have ever been conditioned to believe and boy does it feel good.
I’m on a horse, I’m gathering speed, I’ve got my joust at the ready and I’m going FULL FORCE at breaking this conditioning with hopes of putting several dints in these stigmas.

It’s going to take an army of doers, educators & advocates to break this construct but I’m feeling good about it. Motivated, very very VERY fired up but good nonetheless.

It’s all a bit revolutionary, really.
Lets build some more awareness around this topic because its not one to take lightly.

Things are in the works, but before I ramble on some more, I’ll leave you with the other slice of toast from the shit Sandwich.

Please, please, PLEASE watch the way in which you speak to yourself.
This life is tough but this a reminder that you’re so capable of doing whatever your heart desires.
It’s not all Sunshine and Daises but a good amount of it really is.

One more thing -

Next time you go to compliment someone on the weight they’ve lost or their appearance, take a little u turn and compliment them on something they have control over, like their energy or the positive affect they have on your existence. It means more.

Your energy is your best damn currency so litter light wherever you walk!

Thanks for listening.
X Cap

Quick disclaimer, healthy goals are great goals.















Everything in moderation, including moderation.

The other day, I was offloading to my brother, the best listener/advice man there ever was.
Jel is my number 1 supporter, yet has no trouble bringing my short comings to the surface.
After much discussion, we came to the realisation that I was setting myself a list of limiting rules/beliefs that don’t leave much room for flow & spontaneity.

At the start of 2018, I set out to live a life over flowing with self love, acceptance and wholesome things only..
I’m a persistent one….stubborn on the edges and have the tendency to go full force at anything that i’m passionate about so in true Cap fashion, I did just that.

Day in, day out, I’d rise early, exercise, fast till 2pm, eat my veggies, keep my plants watered, make sure my space was clean, read self help books, spend time alone, recite my positive mantras & not think ill thoughts. 
Often, these practices would leave me feeling fresh, light & whole. 
But god forbid, if something intervened or I wasn’t able to adhere to all of these practices, I’d spiral and wouldn’t allow myself to feel good. When I was up and dandy, I was amazing and whole but when I was down…acceptance wouldn’t be a part of my vocab. 
Ironically, much of this process did exactly the opposite of its intended purpose.

Although meditating, reading self help books, listening to podcasts, exercising, eating clean & spending time alone are all beautiful things…sleeping in, watching Netflix & not practicing yoga are equally as integral to one’s balanced being.

In the space of a week, I’ve set out to burn all of my limiting rules and have never felt more free.
I’m still meditating, exercising and eating well but i’m also polishing off a bottle of vino with my ladies when the mood strikes or eating pancakes to my heart’s content.

A wholesome life cannot be attained without discipline, but an exciting one requires variety, balance & zest!
Here’s to trialling ways, abandoning others and remaining open to observations from the people whose opinions are coming from a place of love and acceptance.

To quote my friend Jess Parkes:
“Everything in moderation, including moderation.”

x  Cap


Breaking the nine to five

5 weeks ago, after capping off a 40 hour hospo week, I drove home feeling drained.
4 weeks ago, after capping off another 40 hour hospo week, I drove home feeling drained once more. 3 weeks ago, after capping off yet another 40 hour hospo week, I drove home feeling drained, unfulfilled and ready to make a change.

I was slowly losing my soul to the grind whilst falling into the warm embrace of financial stability. Time to make a change.

Now i’m sitting here, 2 weeks on, basking in the sunshine with my laptop, long black and iced antipodes water like I’m on vacay wondering why I didn’t do this earlier.
Let’s be real, I know why i didn’t do it earlier…
I didn’t do it earlier because working the 9-5 is comfortable and the income is comfortable and not having to use your brain is comfortable. The brain is our most valuable asset. With it, we can make money, connect and contribute to the world on a deeper level.
Making coffee is great, but the world is full of baristas - I’m here to set myself apart.
The world is built, and lives are impacted from new ideas!

Being stagnant is the most uncomfortable feeling there is.
Ignorance isn’t bliss, and not having time or energy for the finer things just doesn’t feel worth the sacrifice to me.

So now, once again, I’ve decided to make the time for said passions, to branch out and to continue doing what I love doing most.

This is just a little psa to remind you that the grind doesn’t have to be a thing.
Don’t get stuck in a routine that oozes the zest out of you!
Life is bloody short and its moving at a rapid pace. A zest-free routine is a surefire way to send yourself into unhappiness. 

Fuck the paradigm of work that includes limitation, stagnancy & normality and step into the paradigm of business which includes passion, balance and being paid for the value you offer!

Money can’t buy happiness but what can?
The time and ability to do what you want, when you want!

Do your moments, days and weeks bring you fulfilment?
When I feel a little uncertain of this, I refer back to these 6 core human needs.

Certainty - The need for safety, stability, security, comfort, predictability, control and consistency

Variety - The need for surprise, challenges, excitement, difference & adventure

Significance - The need for a sense of importance 

Connection - The need to love and to feel loved and unified

Growth - The need for constant emotional, intellectual and spiritual development

Contribution - The need to give beyond ourselves

Balance. She’s a precarious mistress. Fickle and at times, difficult to obtain yet incredibly prosperous. Make time for her, reap the rewards and sing above the hilltops. Don’t let her slip.

The Mindful Sex Guide

2 years ago, through sheer serendipity, I had the pleasure of stumbling upon Juliet Allen.

Teacher, Sexologist, Tantra practitioner, Creator and all round gem, Juliet is the epitome of powerful, bold & wholesome. On a mission to empower men and women to embrace their sexuality and transform their sex and relationships, Juliet is moving mountains.

The journey of unlocking a connectedness I never knew quite possible began the day I was  introduced to Juliets’ series “Women On Top”. An interview series asking women straight to the point questions about their sexuality. This discovery sparked an innate curiosity and swiftly opened up a realm of possibility that I’d been edging towards for some time.

Being the generous soul that she is, Juliet gifted me the opportunity to undertake “The Mindful Sex Guide’ pre launch and once again, my world has been shaken.
The course is beautifully tailored to just about anybody who seeks abundance in all aspects of life. Focusing on connection, relationships & intimacy, Juliet takes you on a journey of self discovery and gifts the tools to start living the life of a sexually empowered man or woman.


The secret to an exciting, fulfilling sex life is ever so simple.

“Great sex starts with creating a balanced, healthy lifestyle supported by positive relationships. It starts with a strong inner union, a happy home and a rewarding career. The 7 day course brings a lifetime of wealth teaching you how to turn your home into a sacred space where you can connect deeply with yourself and others, the foundations for optimal health, well-being and heightened libido, ways to explore and strengthen your inner union, what role your family, friends and lovers are really playing in your life, and how to support them without neglecting yourself, how your career can affect your drive for deep intimacy, and what you can do about it, why your financial situation can impact your sexual energy and relationships, and how to regain control, ways to examine and reinforce your relationship with sex on a much deeper level.”

The Mindful Sex Guide supports great sex, every single day and I couldn’t recommend it more.

http://www.juliet-allen.com/the-mindful-sex-guide/

X Cap

JA-ONLINE-COURSE-INSTA-STORY2.jpg


⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

The girl with the thorn in her side

Last year whilst reading a passage in “The Untethered Soul” a major switch in perception was birthed. The following passage shook me to the core & was the beginning of something very integral to my being.

“Imagine that you have a thorn in your arm that directly touches a nerve. When the thorn is touched, it’s very painful. Because it hurts so much, the thorn is a serious problem. It’s difficult to sleep because you roll over on it. It’s hard to get close to people because they might touch it. It makes your daily life very difficult. You can’t even go for a walk in the woods because you might brush the thorn against the branches. This thorn is a constant source of disturbance, and to solve the problem you have two choices.”

The two choices being:

1. Decide that it’s so disturbing when things touch the thorn that you make sure nothing ever touches it.

2. Decide that since it’s so disturbing when things touch the thorn, it’s imperative that you remove it.

Whatever you decide will determine much of the course of your life.
If you go with the first choice, making sure the thorn is never disturbed, you end up creating a life built around this thorn. You adjust your surroundings to make sure the thorn isn’t disturbed.
The truth is, the thorn completely runs your entire life. It affects all your decisions, including where you go, whom you’re comfortable with, and who’s comfortable with you. It determines what house you can live in, and what kind of bed you can sleep on at night. When it’s all said and done, that thorn is running every aspect of your life. It turns out that the life of protecting yourself form the problem becomes a perfect reflection of the problem itself.


This reading brought with it an awareness of what I was covering up with rules, quick fixes & bandaids. Alas, one can know something at an intellectual level and not be ready to practice at an experiential level…

A couple of weeks ago, after returning home from the most beautiful, carefree time in New Zealand, I felt pain surfacing once more & this bothered me to the core. 
How could i go from experiencing such ecstasy, love & gratitude to feelings of pure pain?
This time, I wasn’t hosting the energy to use my normal suppression method.
So I decided to try a new avenue. ASKING FOR HELP.

After the breakdown that my brother calls “The Breakthrough”, I wrote about it, cried about it, screamed about it, sat with it and held myself accountable to making a serious change and embracing said change as an agent for growth. 
On that day, the thorn lost an unbelievable amount of grip and I felt a lightness I hadn’t t felt in years.

What i learnt:

  1. Facing tough times when they present themselves is beneficial as hell & saves much time and energy

  2. Speaking up is the wiser thing to do. As ’small’ as it may seem, It’s always better to verbalise & to listen to those whose opinions you value most

  3. You can brush things aside as much as you want but they’ll re surface

  4. Acknowledging is essential to moving past

  5. It’s completely normal to not feel that zest permanently. We ALL go through periods of darkness

  6. Turbulent times are imperative for growth. In order to grow, you must give up the struggle to remain the same, and learn to embrace change at all times

Challenging perceptions

I find retrospection & introspection to be so beneficial, necessary and even enjoyable.
I dig learning lessons. Observing my triggers and analysing them from a place of acceptance and humour. That gets me buzzing because i’m a fucken weirdo (unique).


I’ve decided to adapt a technique into my day to day life.
It’s actually been hilarious sitting back and watching my ego do it’s thing...
The technique is about challenging my perceptions. What I’d do is view what might originally be perceived as an annoyance, instead as neutral or even positive and funny.
Basically observing triggers and acting in a way that doesn’t leave you riddled with negative sensations & ill thoughts.


I’ve been implementing said technique to rid myself of limiting beliefs and this is it in practice.

Cap gets triggered easily p1:
Cappy gets too close to lake, bogs her hire van and requires a $300 tow.
Nice work mate…
Why tf didn’t I get insurance?
Does the tide normally rise so quickly?
Why don’t I have reception?
What the fuck am I to do….?
My body tightens.
I watch the annoyance rising and pair it with a couple of tears. 
There. I catch myself and switch my perceptions and decide to view the situation in a light hearted manner.
The car is being towed because of stupidity, not because it broke down & needs thousands of dollars worth of repairs. I didn’t crash & I didn’t hurt anyone.
All that is required here is to flock out a couple of pennies to be back on the road.
Pennies I initially thought i was saving for not opting to go with insurance. How ironic.
The money is there. It’s always there.
Shall i let it ruin my day or shall i move on?
Previously, it would’ve consumed me, this time, I pay the dollars and feel a sense of pride at the way i dealt with the situation.

Cap gets triggered easily p2:
I’m chatting shit to a friend about how much of a boss I am for not having paid for camping for a whole 6 nights! That’s a whole 120 buckos saved!
How smart, so sneaky, in charge, what a woman, so mighty.
Ego is through the roof, i’m on my way to the 7th night of WINNING and whaddya know?
Cap gets woken up to the sweet sounds of a knockin’ and the warm greetings of a parking officer with a $200 parking fine in hand. How humbling.
I think of my bank account once more and initially want to burn the ticket in a fire & throw myself in with it too. BUT I’m trying to deal with hurdles like an adult (lol), i mentally list the positives of said situation before the negativity takes over and automatically feel better.
I got to spend the night with beautiful company parked by a private lake & I’d probably pay $200 to do it all over again.

I challenge you to give it a crack!

I didn’t write this post to say that i have it all figured out. 
I write because its enjoyable, I learn a lot and i like to hold myself accountable. 
It’s all about that awareness. Stripping back layers, being honest, playing with ego and rejoicing achievements, however big or small. I need to know that my way might currently work, until it doesn’t anymore. And that’s when I need to be crafty, because my way is not the only way.

I challenge you to warp some perceptions. To throw em’ around a bit and watch life flow as you learn and grow and flourish in the synchronicity of it all.

xx Cappo

The power of discovering who you really are

In life, all chaos manifests for the same underlying purpose. To restore balance.
I’ve been pondering a lot about change, balance & acceptance whilst going through the ebs and flow of life.

I’d be lying if I said this year has been easy. 
Going through a break up brought with it an obvious sense of questioning & a touch of uneasiness at the prospect of change. 

For some time ‘Who am i’? became a common theme in my life.
You could say it sat very prominently at the forefront of my mind.
It’s only now that I have the answer and funnily enough, it’s a lot simpler than the amount of energy I invested in finding an answer.
“I am”. 
I accept myself. RIGHT NOW, AS I AM, IN THIS VERY MOMENT & surround myself with only those who accept me, for me. RIGHT NOW. AS I AM. IN THIS VERY MOMENT.

The answer that I so longingly searched for came in the form of a book.
“I am”, by Howard Falco was presented to me by my lovely friend Scott, at the most perfect time and it warped my perceptions completely.

This book simply reminded me that freedom comes from choosing how you perceive & react to every experience in every moment. If you remain equanimous to all that life throws at you, all will flow and you will grow.

Your life is based entirely on who you believe who you are.
Every single moment is an opportunity to expand.
You are the author of your story. You & only you.

I wrote a poem.

~ Decisions that shape destiny ~
An intuition. A feeling. A knowing.
No lies, blame or ill feelings
A hard truth
An acceptance
Utter rawness
Complete Transparency
The need for happiness
A seamless seperation
A beautiful sadness
Wild emotion
Sometimes tame
Other times uncontrollable
Sitting comfortably
Restlessly
Accepting the impermanence of all
Feelings, thoughts, emotions, life, love
Solitude
Self dependence
Reevaluation
The unknown
A trusting
A surrender
A beautiful memory